forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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