I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
