you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
