I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
