DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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