PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
