Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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