You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
