That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
