I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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