She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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