...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
