I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He felt like a one man threesome
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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