M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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