My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
