Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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