I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
