i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
