I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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