you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
