apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
