i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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