My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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