So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
