Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
