This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
