Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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