I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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