I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
