the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
