plz talk dirty to me
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
