mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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