Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
