My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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