So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize