I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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