But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
