Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
