So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm passing your future prison.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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