I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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