Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
