I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
