I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
