the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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