do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
