Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
