Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
