Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just found a bag of teeth...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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