all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
