I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
