yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
