How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
