So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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