Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
