I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
