So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
