I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
