the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
