Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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