we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
