I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
