I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
