And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
