Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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