Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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