Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
