I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
